


Teardrop On The Fire

by primalism (lachowskii)



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, BDSM, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Smut, au meme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-08-25 20:19:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lachowskii/pseuds/primalism
Summary: Jaejoong has a sudden impending revelation deeper than typical sadness and the aftermath contains Yunho tries to woven Jaejoong's pain into deepening comfort.





	1. Indefinite

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: I do not know nor own Jung Yunho or Kim Jaejoong. I simply own this content and concept.**
> 
>  
> 
> This fanfic is a product semi-inspired of a fic I already wrote under my original pseud(s) as 'lachowskii' called ["Matter of Degrees"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8541139) that is for a different fandom and in no way a replicate of each other but except the "diary" and complex BDSM material is on the same level. On twitter, speaking with [@iluvmeluv](https://twitter.com/iluvmeluv), I prompted some ideas and wanted to take something into consideration for the Yunjae fandom to write something that she offered as somewhat sad, depth of emotion and so forth. In which I thank her in many many ways for the support of the concept. :: heart emoji and kisses :: 
> 
> **Please Read The Following Info**  
>  • Please read this story on "Reader mode" if you have a Kindle or Ipad device etc.  
> • BDSM Concepts/Content won't come into play until later around Chapter 5 or 6  
> • Despite tags and notes, this is not smut-centric fic nor revolving around smut itself so although smut tags and explicit content is noted this is not a story revolving around sex/bdsm itself  
> • There will be some interactive writing later in the fic (diary concepts, etc.)  
>   
>  **This Fic Is An Au Meme**  
>  • Centered as Jaejoong and Yunho living in California, in which is not specified. Yet, they are popular stars here as well as they are in Korea and can speak fluent english and around their early 20s. They're both popular singers/actors. The backstory is not described much in this story. 
> 
> **This Fic Contains Heavy/Semi-Heavy Material of Mental Illness ******  
> I won't specify Jaejoong's mental illness diagnosis but as the writer of this story I myself am very educated on mental illnesses, the full complexity of treatments and accurate etiology. I myself, also post-study of psychology and deals with mental illness myself. In no way, Is this fic trying to glorify mental illness but discuss the complexities and personality/personal feelings of one suffering of such. This fic is just a concept based on relationships, the difficulties of such awareness and where thing as BDSM or sexual content plays a part in specific areas of some people who may suffer from specific mental illness diagnosis. Please take precautions and read notes before every fic, in which I will notify readers of content that may be triggering or personally heavy so please beware of this before reading.
> 
> **Enjoy! Comment if you desire.**

Over time there had been more drinking as usual. Endless amount of supply for any anxious feeling I felt fleeting in the midst of my being. I thought after every session in the studio, on set, or at home, the spirit within me would be fine once I got it in control. I'm not sure why tonight everything is fleeting in disparity that I can't fathom of my soul jumping out of my skin. Today felt like a switch that finally broken me in half.

It's like instantly losing yourself. Ghostly turning yourself into something new instantly. I wanted to prove myself wrong some day. These feelings would outgrow me and let me live but there are too many feelings left. Drenching me in final goodbyes as I don't feel I can walk away from it anymore. 

After many evenings of realizing how inadequate I am and falling short on performances, in my head, its been a long break of reality. If I could write my bleeding heart into leaves and past them to you from my spirit then it could all be fine. I'm sure the smoke that rises in the end from this will symbolize how much I can't take it anymore. I know and feel in my soul no one can see the darkness looming around me. Through sorrow and pain, I can't seem to love anyone and not even myself.

If I had an ounce of drifting views that could shape me into what people wanted then I could consider myself lucky. Lucky enough to know my life is in my hands now. I'm eventfully filled with sorrow. I've grown up in a world of fame with a void I needlessly need to fill every moment. I see things from the past when I sleep and it's vividly horrifying. I've become lonely, even now as I ride down the long empty road drifting from others I want to be alone tonight so I'm not in the midst of everyone's concern. 

My hands turning red, I pounded my fists on the steering wheel with the rising of the moon and stars that look like they're falling. Eyes blurry from the tears that force me to feel as this draining force turning completely numb and lifeless. I'm selfish for doing all this, to the casual preference but the mindfulness sitting in my stomach feels more sour than fresh. 

I never thought the pacing of my foot hitting the pedal would be an indifference towards to the fleeting pain with the agonized pressure within me. I'm hollow again with so many nights it gets like this I feel it will just past over time. Right? 

I close my eyes adrift from the flowing air against me and imagining how intertwined my soul can be in the clouds. The thought of me being loved within the sun as it shines on the sea. How justifying it feels that I just don't belong here anymore within so many people not of reach in the falsified person I feel I am.

I've stared at my eyes in the mirror, as a man, I don't feel the words that I sing on stage could even be pressed into delicate pages on my skin. I couldn't seal it into anyone lips and make then ring honestly true. Not when I'm the unspoken reasoning that does the opposite. My heart is hurting from every pulse of blood I'm in the highest temperature of feeling worthless. I'd ask Yunho to look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't see someone so useless in the presence of memory but he can't hear me right now. He hasn't answered his phone so I could explain why I need to go now. The process of the voices in my head have found the weakness and now they're hungry. Now they are coming. Unfortunately, it's not safe. Not anymore.

I'm too busy in the careless position of others and my own, unceasing yearnings into my body while some flame of desire threatens my life in a second. My car, my body, my spirit have crashed into scattered pieces of the earth's surface. I feel blood trickling down my face and this is the final moment where I can't feel. I smile and I breathed until there is nothing. I've realized the next matter of degrees is letting me rest in the middle of the street while someone finds me lifeless in the aftermath.


	2. Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Jaejoong's suicide attempt leaves the sense of what there is to feel and what to possibly expect.

Everyone has a depiction that California was a dosage of orange cream sunsets that sometimes hollowed to a blue and pink aesthetic in heat. Despite all the colorful winds you can still cast out the commonplace for that normal people are still there, in the midst of earthly beauty and they suffer within. All the fame, all the money, all the desire and still there is an instant shot of adrenaline that can rip your mind to the most crippling point. You have yet to understand the normalcy that is still here. 

Yunho's knees felt weak, in the midst of tears that welled up in eyes but couldn't fall. He simply could not blink. The most part from this preceding accident goes into the glass heart that feels broken and bent into tiny fragments. Yunho didn't want to hear the words _suicide attempt_ , he didn't want to see the never-ending amount of self-cuts Jaejoong had on his arm. It's swirling too much into his soul at once. He mostly didn't want Jaejoong to think he was ashamed of his behavior. Yunho had the impending mindset this is all just too much in one moment.

Dehydrated from the alcohol, dialed out from his brain to his tongue. Jaejoong felt like he wanted to melt himself away. Against the I.V. and the beeping docks in all the rooms, rushes of tears, the smell of death and fragmented minds, Jaejoong has to realize how much he's been in shock. Small cut on his forehead above his right eye. There were more cuts foreseen, small enough to be imprinted that they were self-inflicted. Against even more bruises up his shoulders, impacted from his car releasing upside down after hitting a pole. 

Silence, the type of silence that is so still if you blink it could illuminate anyone in a far distance. Yunho, sitting in a chair beside Jaejoong, after hours of waiting and not enough answers. The dimmed room with dark navy walls and cherrywood accents and deep-seated cushioned chairs. Jaejoong was asleep from some more medications. Then a psychiatrist who waltzes in the room says hello, to pull a seat up next to Yunho and conversate about support, in some fashion, has to be vital for Jaejoong. 

Dr. Xavier, a man in his late 30s, just getting his final license of psychiatry had seen plenty of people like Jaejoong. His words to Yunho was to ensure how pivotal he can be in terms of support because crucial support can be damaging. Yet, to his knowledge, he was unaware Jaejoong had been seeking help on his own beforehand. 

Behind the voice of the doctor telling Yunho, to different forms of past issues, possible abusive situation and neglect is a big reason for a surge of Jaejoong's behavior that he should look not for. Only for the justifying memories to Jaejoong's behavior leaves Yunho in a set of deepening emotions. Common for some, what signs can you see, remember, smell and so forth. Perhaps there were silent screams that left Jaejoong burnt alive but could Yunho take a hint to any of it? 

"Are you all right?" Doctor Xavier asked Yunho. 

"I don't think I am. What fault have I played in this?" Yunho asked, a subtle type of energy where he's ruminating, distant and also ready to burst into tears. Yunho felt at fault, which is common with people who may be receiving this kind of information. Yunho had a drowning sense of emotion, in case he knew his protection of himself, maybe sometimes Jaejoong was too risky, extremely famous but isolating. It's all the behaviors being explained Ynho cold at least seen them once in Jaejoong. Like a person smiling with a gun to their head in tears spoke the allegory of depression. 

"Stomach tightening knowing he'd just go and kill himself." Yunho scoffed but with sincerity knowing he could put himself in Jaejoong's shoes. 

"Suicidal ideation, passive to attempts are regular with people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. It takes time to adjust to find what other things can help Jaejoong in another crisis." Dr. Xavieer did what he could to assure Yunho info, but based on past issues and disclosures Jaejoong would have to stay in the hospital for a few days. Given time to recoup, redo personal goals and more coping mechanisms. Although nothing felt enough. 

Yunho feels like he's seen Jaejoong with inflicted wounds since the time they met but how could he not see? Respectively before sunrise, there's the pacing of doubts and by sundown, there's an elusive and strong appeal. The duality inside of Jaejoong that rivets Yunho to the core and he runs his hands in his hair, feeling disbelief in some sense. Angry to why Jaejoong had to go through things o get to this point. Merely, a sadness knowing he can't eradicate this form of mental illness from the only person who speaks volumes to him. 

Yunho was given pamphlets, paperwork for resources and workbooks. Exclusively for him to know how to interact with Jaejoong, acceptance, and understanding. Yunho had a genuine feeling of empathy, one of his best quality and even so he feels so angry. Immense with questions as pain moves in his body he was told to go home and get rest. Dr. Xvaier would be here if he needed anything and would be taking care of Jaejoong.

Yunho couldn't leave without saying how he felt in the moment. He wasn't ready for a conversation like this he was too busy letting the tears fall and he turned himself to the bed, as Dr. Xavier walked out of the room. Burnt, bruised and broken and where caution tends to avoid. Widened eyes could only open but so much. Yunho held Jaejoong's hand and even with a tight squeeze he needed Jaejoong to feel his pain. 

It's like caught in an empty space that's too common. Especially when this relationship, friendship o whatever they were was always on a rocking shift.

"Can you just at least meet me in the middle. Pease..." Yunho asked. Knowing Jaejoong wasn't well rounded, he too wanted to scream and knowing it's been hard to lay here to see the fury in Yunho the way he dodges the true feelings. Raving the madness inside but his eyes could speak much more in disappointment. 

"There's nothing fun about suicide. Unlike your past, I'm not going to ignore your needs and emotions but this is not the answer. Taking your life would make me more angry at you than I am right now." Yunho had the toughest stare, where his entire eyes was a simple command that you probably destroyed him. Like a threatened dagger to the heart, stabbing and bleeding his shirt if you stood there to see where it spreads and conceives in his inner being. Rifting through so icy with anxiety and sadness within his own distraught feelings right now. 

Jaejoong met his stare, as Yunho stood over him. The way he talks in a whisper as his teeth grits with so anger that even Jaejoong feels responsible for. Yes, he almost killed himself and innocent people with a split second. Unfortunately, to a deepened and chronic feeling, Jaejoong doesn't retort to argue but feel disappointing. Which isn't know for him, he knows how to feel lost in gradual demons that considering he is no longer worthy. Even at this moment he knew deep down it was a useless take to sit here, hurting and continuously depressive. 

Jaejoong's eyes, as they could weep, they just fell and he laid their solid and still. Nothing coming out, not even barely a breath. A feeling of where he wishes he could leave his body and trace to other zones. The overwhelming state this has from his trauma, like a person in deep flight that couldn't rotate to something normal as his tears flow and flow without him barely making a breath. Jaejoong understands but he feels so powerless with what haunts him. 

"Yunho......" Jaejoong tried to express but he couldn't. Yunho knew enough of what Jaejoong had been trying to do but Yunho felt at fault. What was it about himself that Jaejoong couldn't share these things sooner. Altered emotional states couldn't be the least of worries. Yunho fingers went against Jaejoong's lips and he told Jaejoong to rest and be silent. He loved him and he needed him to stay strong here.

"Everything leads us to something. I can only accept and pray you'll find healing than more destruction......" Yunho said after kissing Jaejoong on the forehead effortlessly and softly. 

"I'm aware, I'm not a good person," Jaejoong said.

It made Jaejoong feel like his heart swelled inside. Yunho knew, he always knew something could explain the silence of stitched aggression showcasing in Jaejoong's alcoholic rants at 4 am. Like the foolishness of one person could be so agonizing where truth was chained in his being. It's a circus for paradise and emotional escapes from the temptations that problems don't matter. It made them even more different than normal and Yunho knew the whole time. 

Yunho didn't want to entertain the feelings place. He knew how Jaejoong felt in times of stress but he now knows it's a whole different life form. Waiting to drink, fuck or harm yourself for more adrenaline so these harsh feelings don't withhold all the shame spreading through you. Yunho walked out of silence ready to scream into nonexistence where he's in the complicated space of heaven and hell.

Yunho sat in the driver seat of his car pouring his screams out and banging his hands against the steering wheel. This is the part where dark grim reapers hide in light to feast on wherever someone was broken before he or she got a chance. He knew darkness bear nothing echoing death into the night. Gathering what's cold and hardened to tear between what's needed and neglected. 

Jaejoong was indeed a good person, Yunho thought. He also knew good people didn't deserve years of shakened promises behind some false facade. Chaos trembles within auras like this and Yunho felt the magnitude of desensitized avoidance where it's in a dangerously empty life.


	3. Skeletons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although frustrated with his personal involvement, Yunho has to start questioning Jaejoong's behavior both externally and internally.

The night was lurking with fixed smiles. Usually ready to be fixed on ways to get to high and lucid. The drift of shallowness in a soul. In aspects was this the way it always was? Yunho could notice, every mood shifting once he reaches each level in the party. Usual behavioral curses, missing freshness in the wind and perceived truths. 

Yet, how can we perceive as we're in the light of everyone? _Gentle,_ Yunho thought to himself. His mood was shifting just like everyone else. Worrying when he shouldn't have. Oversleeping and thinking radically from the deprivation. It's been a while since he's been to a party like this. Letting Jaejoong attend to a night out even though things were rocky. So without a care, Yunho was gonna drink the night away and let the alcohol in while he gulped to the deep ambiance of the night. 

The survival to the loved ones is something they don't teach enough with trauma. 

There's an altiloquent of ambiance within Yunho sometimes. Manifesting from his boredom but he found himself staring at Jaejoong in sometimes sour ways now. It should be treated as a phase but it weeps through and through. The music at this gathering is like thunder, neon lights that flashed like sirens. All he sees is a strong deep eyed muse laughing and drinking sorrows away with strangers. Yunho rolled his eyes sometimes. Jealousy of the moment that Jaejoong always had his way with people so easily. Sharp and minimal was how Jaejoong liked his men or interests. Always fear in the back of thoughts, not knowing if Jaejoong found him good enough. 

Yet as of lately they both have been only surviving. It's the aggregation of media, publicists, colleagues and more. Yunho just wasn't always vocal with his thoughts, his feelings and he notices how much of his so-called relationship with Jaejoong wasn't healthy. Amid silence and depression, Yunho was aware of how much more effort it takes for an emotional well being. For his sake, it's stronger for Jaejoong. 

He always does this. The rumination of where they are and how they're gonna process forward. There are tons of people around, liquor, people doing all type of wild shit and Jaejoong's flirting not giving a damn. So who's the lonely wolf here in the match you can't burn to suffice an ending. The late California moon, no comfort to the coldness Yunho felt though. Scared. Just always scared about the impossible. 

Jaejoong steps to sit across from Yunho by the upscale bar outside. Yunho asks for another drink while he ignores Jaejoong in the ear of some guy. Yunho notices a heavy accent, laughing, a bunch of pompous bullshit to him. Whatever keeps Jaejoong happy he'd just sit and be the watchdog. Every sip of alcohol gets more of incompetence to be of help. Should just let Jaejoong get tossed and fed with anything and act like he isn't even here. 

Sometimes it was a game that Yunho wasn't aware of. Jaejoong, self cold and always challenged internally. Went from laying to days in bed while he could get the unhappiness out and trying to fill the void. They both seemed too afraid to discuss anything. Jaejoong was so mixed, empty and fruitless. Pick of the skin and eradicating his anxiety through and through. Sometimes it was like a bolt, eased as of now or drenched into a deep melancholy. However, Jaejoong felt was show Yunho was gonna serve. 

Inconsequent polite conversation, canapes, wine. Jaejoong and his tight v-neck shirts that came out purposely. Yunho served that too. The way Jaejoong overdid his mascara, his all-black, and deep blonde hair. The way he doesn't dance but sways with music laugh and intertwines with random stories. Jaejoong knows Yunho glances back and forth. He purposely swaddles Yunho to know he doesn't want to be controlled and confined. Jaejoong had the small figure, the way jeans fit tightly and any girl or boy would always be envisioned of a glamorous-yet drunken persona. 

"You ever been told the dilemma of death?" Jaejoong said to the guy in front of him. Some black haired blue eyed British guy who was intrigued by Jaejoong jumping from topic to topic but he's so baffled returning a confused reply. 

"I don't follow. Would it be dangerous?" The guy replied. Jaejoong stares at Yunho who's now glaring at him. 

"I never know who to feed?" Jaejoong says with a grin as some alcohol trickle down from his lips. He wipes it with his thumb and puts it on the random man's lips and stares gently. The guys from Jaejoong loves how open he can be in front of tons of others even if they aren't bringing attention. 

"I never know whether to feed what's floating in the top or the bottom," Jaejoong says while he points at his head in saying his reply. A brain spinning with the relaxers. The blue and red mixing into something much deeper.

"Then don't float at all?" The other guy says staring, grinning and its the menage of what drugs and alcohol can do for a hallucinogenic night. Yunho however, can see fingers on Jaejoong's waist and could care less what was being said. He has had enough of Jaejoong and his carelessness. Usually rolling his eyes from afar, like what's he's doing now. He sips the last bit of drink, something strong and elegant while drifting away from the party giving Jaejoong the hardest glare as he walked away. 

Yunho had the boyish dimensions but his glare is hard-rimmed and fixed. Like his eyes rusting dead in place and never moving. Jaejoong clenches his teeth but it's small and unnoticeable. Once again, he doesn't want to be in the troubled mind of his significant other and he feels bad for the already ruminating scenario. Jaejoong rolled his eyes and left his toy in the mix of the people gathering around dancing and talking. Further away he could hear the silence as he got closer to Yunho. 

A few people in the pool, the moon reflects it beautifully even in its clean blue color. The beautiful palm trees that come from the man-made lights glaring that makes the dark midnight sky seem navy. Glistening stars and Yunho sits as he bends his knees and glares as the ripples in the pools while he sees Jaejoong's reflection behind him. It was the party lights fading that drew Yunho into reality. In the lights, it's easier to be whisk to the side from the imposing fraction of a man standing here, intoxicated, tired and aimless.

"Sometimes you're lying in bed for days or it's this......" Yunho paused. "All this dark shit." 

Jaejoong, untucked and untamed with no use of being polite smirks and rolls his eyes. He fights back truth all the time. Yunho gets up from his bended knees and faces Jaejoong with the unbearable tightness in his face. Jaejoong felt like the child when Yunho always had to speak the truth. 

"At least I didn't do any coke lines in the bathroom this time," Jaejoong said with blankness but he was honest. 

"So the macabre of all this is that you didn't do drugs? Got it." Yunho said rolling his eyes and waking in circles slowly. It's quieter in the actuality, quieter in the brisk of Jaejoong's tears ready to roll any second. Quieter because Yunho hates doing this. They're both lost away from something destructive. Jaejoong didn't want to argue. He thrives on letting things disappear with a lack of acknowledgment. Without hesitation, he puts his hands out to Yunho gesturing for them to put their feet in the pool and relax.

A few seconds of the water cooling there senses. Eradicating the anxiety for a few moments as Jaejoong lays inside of Yunho's chest. Everything is shifting and telling at the same time. A survivor's situation in accepting someone they love can continue to eat away at him. Everything was eating away at Yunho. 

"Fuck....." Yunho breathed to himself. Who was he kidding, he had become just an unfit to be there for Jaejoong. The convenient emotion was unbearable and chest tightening at times. "I know you feel lifeless but I also know there isn't anything I can do." 

Jaejoong started to breathe heavier. 

"Can you look at me?" Yunho asked. He didn't want to mascara smearing, his rocker boyfriend was hazed, drunken to no end and feeling Yunho's hand on his chin wiping away a small drop of wetness from tears. "What's going to happen when you fall? When you're too far gone?" 

"I'll be six feet under or some shit," Jaejoong said quickly and soon after Yunho jerked his chin away with his hand. The types of eyes that could sneer on there own as Jaejoong pulls his cigarettes out of his pocket. Lighting the unspoken feelings. Inhaling and exhaling the exhaustion. 

"You know Yunho, we're not the same. I'm too wreckless." Jaejoong said winking. His aggressive uniqueness when he knows he can easily get under Yunho's skin. The abandonment of taking things seriously. 

"Then you do that. Be a user. A villain. Fuck anyone you want and don't drag me into it." Yunho said putting his shoes back on.

"You could never truly leave me," Jaejoong said as he felt Yunho about to walk away. 

Humans usually call it unspoken understanding, and communication, the odd bond. That's how he wondered so harshly to the expense that losing Jaejoong wouldn't make him better. Yunho knows Jaejoong has a drunken tongue making such a bold statement because it's uselessly true. "Fuck this," Yunho said and went into the luxurious house party to grab another drink and let Jaejoong be alone. 

These feelings. These discussions. Moments like panic begin to creep without any form of trigger. Where the acceptance doesn't end. Hive minded and Yunho knows he wants to scream right now. He's drenched from all this being so mentally consuming. 

_You don't need someone like me. I should warn you._

Words like that always came to Yunho at all heightened moments. The worthiness of love? Jaejoong was deserving. Precision to erase everything with a smile? Jaejoong was his lifeline. Yet, what he perceived with a happy life became sour so fast. Helpless from all the nights being up waiting for Jaejoong to come out to sober from so much cocaine and alcohol. It was normal for people to lash out from trauma but Yunho wasn't ready. He wonders at moments like this was Jaejoong right all along? Did Jaejoong know he had a deeper problem all along? 

This wasn't the time and place for rumination. Yunho takes a shot, after a few more shot and ignores Jaejoong who he can't see from the window from the inside. Minutes had gone by but it didn't matter. Not until he hears a bunch of people creating concerned sounds and noises while hovering the pool slightly. Yunho ignored it lightly. 

Jaejoong was underneath the water. Allowing his body under the water to appear lifeless. Like a struggle to bring his legs forward and under. It was sudden. Someone is looking, lots of people are looking. Was this what he wanted? The people and music became so singled out into muffling and the water somewhat seeping into his lungs but not enough to do damage. 

While Yunho took his last shot he moved through the small crowd of people once entering out of the slid doors. "What?...." Yunho said lightly to himself. Until he moved forward and forward he knew it only Jaejoong who could have been beneath and bubbling up to the surface above him. 

"Fuck. Jaejoong!" Yunho shouted. Feeling his own body about to give out diving into the water to get Jaejoong to surface back up. pulling him closer and Jaejoong's neck is bet back as he appears to not be fully aware. "Jaejoong......come on..." Yunho said hurriedly while far from the pool there are a few ppl still watching as Yunho smacked he had against Jaejoong's face lightly and feeling the shuddering of Jaejoong's body against him. 

He was laughing. Yunho cuffing Jaejoong's body into his and the water is soaking then completely and Jaejoong becomes aware of Yunho's concerns and laughs as he was making a joke or pretending to have been sunken under the water. 

Yunho head jerks away a bit suspiciously because he didn't understand. Shaking his head. "Jaejoong....?" He says not sure how to sound. Yet he sounded scared and afraid. Jaejoong laughs and while able to fully float on his own he gets closer to Yunho and his lips are gently touching his trying to spark something. Somethin so dangerously empty. Disassociated and grounded. Weak and questionable. Jaejoong kisses Yunho lightly at how his tongue and lips are trailing off his and moving into Yunho's more passionately. Yet, Yunho is frozen and processing grips Jaejoong by the shoulders and pulls him away. 

"If you ever decide to leave me. I apologize in advance." Jaejoong said and this is where the tears fall amid his laughter. 

"Don't say that," Yunho demanded but doesn't know what type of episode Jaejoong is having but he feels like the floor beneath is not probable. A rose of fascination while Jaejoong seems mentally out of it. 

All of this feels so uneasy and Yunho is puzzled by the fragility of his lover. There's darkness taking over and it's deeper than the waves they try to stay afloat inside of. 

"I'm afraid of myself and I hate it."


End file.
